Season of Minor Mourning
Do you ever go through seasons in your life where it seems like everything around you is connected? Sometimes these seasons are positive where you are surrounded by good vibes from the people around you, you are rockin’ it at work and your marriage is smooth sailing.
Other times you might be in a season of challenge. Your spouse is deployed and you are holding down the fort at home, you are desperately searching for a job with no prospects, or you are struggling with mental health issues that are all- consuming.
Currently, I find myself in a season of minor mourning. While I may not be experiencing profound grief over the loss of a loved one, I am mourning the loss of two things: An opportunity I was looking forward to and the loss of a fur baby, our cat Calvin.
Caitlin Stanaway, Psy.D., Licensed Psychologist at the University of Washington says, “Grief is typically conceptualized as a reaction to death, though it can occur anytime reality is not what we wanted, hoped for, or expected.” This definition validated my feelings because it shows that grief can come from a myriad of situations. People can experience grief not just after a loss of a loved one, but over losses of opportunities or dreams, too.
Because I am in this season of mourning, I am noticing the topic of grief at every turn.
For example, I am watching The Babysitter’s Club on Netflix (those of you who grew up in the late 80’s/early 90’s, this show will make you feel like a kid again in the best possible way!). One of the characters is dealing with the loss of her grandparent;
I log into the MSAN Mentorship-HUB and our Mental Health & Wellness Advocate shares a blog post about grief;
I talk to a military spouse friend who is grieving her paused career while watching a civilian colleague achieve a new milestone in hers.
These all resonate deeply with me because the feelings are very much the same.
I am mourning the loss of all that will not be and I find myself bouncing between the different stages of grief: Denial has taken the form of avoidance; My anger has been in the form of resentment; Bargaining has been about ruminating on the past and placing blame; Depression has been dominated by sadness and disappointment.
I look forward to the days of acceptance when I find wisdom from my experience and maybe help others who find themselves in seasons of minor mourning.
During this season, connection and vulnerability with others has been the best medicine. Having friends and family listen, ask about Calvin and offer encouragement has lifted my spirits so much. My book club recently read Daring Greatly by Brene Brown which offered a lot of wisdom about being vulnerable and has led me to explore her other insights about vulnerability and connection. Two quotes stand out to me during this time of minor mourning, so I hope they show you a way forward, too:
“Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.” – Brené Brown
“But what we know now is that when we deny our emotion, it owns us. When we own our emotion, we can rebuild and find our way through the pain.” -Brene Brown
Find your people who you can be vulnerable with. Find your people who can hold the umbrella in the rain for you. Find your people who encourage you to find new opportunities, new dreams and new hope. You might find this person in your next-door neighbor, a fellow member of the spouses’ club, someone in your book club or the parent of your child’s friend. Reach out, connect and be open about your struggles. Chances are they have experience with seasons of minor mourning, too.
Are you experiencing a season of mourning, major or minor? Reach out to MSAN’s Mental Health & Wellness Advocate or a Mentor in our Mentorship-HUB for resources that can help you process and achieve acceptance.