MSAN’s Human Resources Director, Jenna, sure has a lot to celebrate in 2023! Not only is she celebrating 20 years of marriage with her husband, David, the couple is also beginning a new chapter as David has officially retired from the Navy.

While military life can be wonderful, Jenna has learned over the years that original plans don’t always work out. She shares the importance of allowing herself to experience the difficult feelings that sometime arise from the challenges of having a spouse who is deployed or underway often. With two decades of being a military spouse under her belt, Jenna has some great advice to offer about investing in yourself, too!

How did you meet?

We met at our part time job during our senior year in high school. I remember that my reaction to him telling me he was in the Navy's Delayed Entry Program was, "Oh, that's cool," and that I didn't think anything of it. I had no idea what the future would hold!

What is your most cherished wedding memory?

I think realizing after the night was over that we were actually married is what sticks out in my mind the most.

Share your engagement story!

I flew down to Pensacola to visit him once he was able to take overnight liberty in A school. We had talked about getting engaged, and picked out a ring together. Later that night, we were eating pizza and watching Futurama, and he gave me the ring and we decided to get married. It wasn't textbook romantic, but it fit us very well. We still love pizza and Futurama!

How did you find support in the early years of being a military spouse?

I met most of my friends through work and through volunteering in the local community. I volunteered at a cat rescue and met a great friend with whom I am still friends 15 years later! My closest core group of friends now are friends I made at work. I never really got very involved in the local military community, but met other spouses and service members online over the years.

Has your outlook on military lifestyle changed at all over the years?

Over the course of 21 years, it went very much from "find the positives, because there is always a silver lining," to "sometimes there is no silver lining, and no, it's not fair, and it's okay to be angry for a while.”

Sometimes there was no reason why the Navy did the things they did other than just because they could, and learning to let myself be angry about it and get it out of my system was far more cathartic than trying in vain to find a silver lining that didn't exist. It's not all rainbows and star spangled sunshine, and it's okay to admit that.

What advice would you give to a new military spouse that you wish you had when you were married?

Looking back through the lens of retirement at active duty life, I would advise every spouse to invest in yourself, because you are worth the world. Your career, your education, your own wants and needs and opinions- they matter, too. Use the education and career development resources available to you, and build your own happiness that is separate from the military.

What does life look like for you now?

We live in San Diego and bought our condo last year, where we live with our cats. We decided early on not to have children, and we have no regrets regarding that decision! Dave retired after 21 years in August 2023 and is now a full time student planning to get his degree in mechanical engineering. I work in HR and am working on a HR management certificate. We love to cook together and are excited to have all the time in the world to try new recipes now that he's retired!

MSAN has resources for retired spouses, too! If you are new to military life and would like to be connected with a mentor, click here.

If you are interested in becoming a mentor or volunteering with MSAN, please click here.

Stephanie Allen is the Communications & Marketing Director for the Military Spouse Advocacy Network. She is a proud Navy wife and mom, a writer, blogger, success coach, and the Content Manager & columnist for Tidewater Family Plus magazine.